Hamlet Act 5, scene 2 Lines 56-74

You are a fish, not a Cigar, for tis the truth of time that stars eat rocks and other sorts of laminated brine. Mine eyes have seen the comming of the glory of the Lord. He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored. My cousin is not a piece of wire, nor a velvet cow, that one would eat a boulevard as something to endow. In thine own minature cattleprod it doth a greater thing consume, that were it to be made a Gordon, and in all things Be Shiny.

Wow. Tears well up in my eyes everytime I hear that. More insperational words have never be uddered. That is from the lost scene in Hamlet, where he defends himself from the attack of the Irish Pirate. And it works, cause the poor pirate is so confused and scared of this blabbering baffoon that he leaves.
So, Im working at my dads office today, and Im bored to death. There is NOTHING to do. I just sit here and answer the phones. The sad thing is, I dont know what to do once I answer the phones. So, in essance, I am pretty much a human answering machiene. I cant look up policies, I cant give quotes, I cant even give directions. I just write down thier name and number, and what they want and what time they called. I guess my dad doesnt want to have to write all that stuff down himself later when he checks the answering machiene. The REALLY sad thing is, the phone has only rang twice, and it was my dad both times, wondering if anyone had called. I guess I could just put all the papers he has on his desk in different piles, and say that I sorted through them. My dad would never actually look at them, and odds are he would just throw it all together in some box later anyway, but at least it would look like I did something.
Ha! I just had to take a payment. The guy handed me 283.35 and I wrote on a piece of paper that he gave it to me and signed it. whew, I think I desirve a break. The only highlight is my dad bought 16 boxes of Girlscout cookies, so I can just pig out on those.
So, 5 hours down, three to go. I forgot how wierd time feels when I sit here. I may ask dad if I can work like 10 hours a week for him, and then he just not charge me for rent. I think that is a fair exchange. And, it would give me lots of time to work on my Jeep.
Jeep update: Mark and I spent a few hours

WARNING

The post below is not funny, humorus or satirical in any way. It is an extreemly deep and personal post. Read at your own risk.

And Then There Were None...

No jokes tonight. No funny lines, no clever puns, not even a jib or a jab. Tonight Im not in the mood. This is the most depressed I have been in months. Which makes sense because I had been taking my pills regularly up till last week. My bad for deciding not to. (Dont worry, I started taking them again, Ill be right as rain in a few days). My dad is very much agaisnt "modern medicine" so I have to leave the pills in the car and take them in there. I havent drvien anywhere in the past few days, and I never remembered to go out and take them. So, yea, I take pills for depression, bet most of you didnt know that. Not a lot of people know a lot about me, and thats the way I like it. I hide behind others, always changing the focus off of me and onto someone else. But I digress. Everyone has been depressed before, to some sort of degree, and for a variety of reasons. A family member dies, your boyfriend breaks up with you, and other such normal depressing things. It will stay for awhile but eventually it will clear up and go away. Like acne. Gross. I, on the other hand, dont "get' depressed, I AM depressed. Doctors say something in my brain doesnt produce chemicals or something, and the pills give it a boost. So, without the pills, I just am depressed. Let me paint you a picture. Surounded in darkness, no heat, no light. So cold and dark. And yet, it is all inside you, you are an empty shell, void, and full of nothing. Light hurts, so you turn off the lights. Sound hurts, so you close your doors and windows. Food hurts, so you dont eat for days. You dont want to move, moving takes too much energy, and you need all the energy you have to try to warm yourself on the inside. But you cant warm yourself on the inside. You wrap in blankets but you can still feel your core shivering. So cold. Seeing hurts, so you shut your eyes. Talking hurts, so you keep quiet. You want to talk yourself out of it, tell yourself that it is a beautiful day outside, God did great today, so go and embrace life! But you wont believe yourself. Crying hurts, so you stop crying. Thinking hurts, so you stop thinking. Breathing hurts, and you think, If I stop breathing, Ill die. But then you think, it would be better to feel nothing at all, than to be cold... So cold, so dark. The darkness creeps over you, enveloping and swallowing you whole. Your last thought is, I wish I could stop the cold. And then, nothing.

Thats me falling asleep, not sufficating myself. So, for those of you who I have now scared the pants off of, dont worry, I havent killed myself yet, and Im not planning on it anytime in the future. And, so long as I take a stupid pill everyday, my days are perfectly normal, and I really am the happy go lucky guy you all know me as, instead of me putting that on as a charade. Now, Im not looking for pity, or anything like that, I just felt that I had to share this for some reason. Maybe, to help me better understand myself.

The thing we think we think we think....

Ok, People think wayyyyyyy too much. Believe me, I do it too, though I'm trying to stop. Lets say for instance, I start up a conversation with you by saying "I hope I brought my library card, cause I'm checking you out." Would you think I was seriously trying that pickup line on you? Please! First of all, I would NEVER use a pickup line on a girl for real, cause that just isnt the way I roll, and second, wuold ANY guy in his right mind seriously use that line?? I hope not... I want to get one thing clear to anyone who knows and interacts with me, what I say, I mean. If I say I dont like you, then I honestly dont like you. If I say you are my friend, you really are my friend. If I say goodnight, sleep well, that means I acutally hope you have a good night and sleep well. Wow, straight forward honesty, what a concept. Sorry, thats my little rant for the night.
In other news, I have decided to get an iPod, I think. But even now, as I type that, I have just decided against it. So, never mind. Poo. I think iPods look cool, and you get get them laser engraved with whatever you want on the back for free. But I guess they dont work with Napster, which I was planning on subscribing to. Hmm, I seem to have run out of things to say. Well, I will update you on the job search tomorrow, untill then, Carry On, Mr. Bowditch!
Current desktop image: U2 underneath a Joshua tree.
Current Song playing: A Praise Chorus by Jimmy Eat World

Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me.

Is it sad that I check my own blog for updates, hoping that someone else more clever has already written an entry for the day? K, I know it's sad. The title for tonights post is the title of a U2 song that as far as I know, you can only get on the Batman soundtrack. I think it is a fabulous song. I also think Evanescence is under-rated, thier music is REAL good. Wow, I find myself suddenly very tired, so I think I will end this short today (crowd cheers) Who am I kidding, not even enough of a crowd read this.
Current desktop image: Crete in winter, absolutly beautiful. Most certianly my Honeymoon destination.
Current song playing: Celebrity by Barenaked Ladies(another GREAT band)

The Penitent Man Will Kneel

So, girls have PMS and childbirth. What do guys have to deal with? Oversized egos? Now I know that this is how God made us, I just don't quite understand why. I really think guys get off easy in the life department. Of course it isnt a cake walk, Im not saying that, its just males insides dont try and cook itself every month, and the biggest problem we'll ever have pushing anything out of us is if we're constipated. So, I think thats my little rant. Moral is, I just think its kinda unfair, and I feel sorry for all the lady-types out there.

http://www.funpic.hu/swf/numanuma.html go there, please, you will laugh til milk comes out your nose, I promise. The Monroes invited me over for dinner sometime this week, so that is something to look forward to.
I was wondering, if I drive around a cool looking jeep, will I be cooler and get all the ladies I want? I'm thinking yes, but honestly, my views are slightly off the norm.
But now, I had 32 glasses of melonade, and I must pee, Ciao!

Teddy Graham Memories.

Wow, it took me a good 30 minutes to figure out how the heck I write another one of these things. At least it was a good 30 minutes, I dont think I could write if it had been bad. So, tomorrow I'm going to see if I can be hired for a taxi company. Thier ad says I can make up to 1000 bucks a week, whuch is fantastic. They also had a job posting for a dispatcher, and that might be fun. Really, I dont care what I do, so long as it pays more than 8 an hour. Wow, a thousand a week, think of all the things I could do....*Dream bubble* Why yes Mr President, I'd love to loan the US a couple trillion to help us out of debt. *POP* Like I would ever loan anyone a couple trillion... Well, maybe the Monroes. Anyway, I'm wearing a yellow shirt today, which, for those who know how I dress knows that this must indeed be a special day. Well, it is. Today is Valentines Day, the day we celebrate the senseless killing of all those poor people. Its kinda funny, dont you think? Such a violent event leads to the national day of love. And really, today is special only for couples anyway. I mean, what am I suppose to do today? I'm not bitter or anything, I just dont know what to do today. Maybe Ill go for a walk. Or maybe Ill... do nothing,cause there really isnt anything for me to do here by myself. Ohhh, I know. I bought a book the other day. Ill read that.
Oh yea, in case people were surious, which, I dont know why you would be, but, anyway, my current desktop image is: a fake Masters diploma.
And current song that is playing: Stacy's Mom! ha ha ha, I love this song. Ill admit it, when I was younger, I had a crush on someones mom. Not saying who though.
I just noticed that I can change the time and date of when I posted this. Im not sure why this option exists, but I just may have to use it more often. OHH!!! I forgot the most important thing about today! It's my conception day! Thats right, 21 years ago today, my parents made me. And Happy Conception Day to little Iain too. And to anyone else who was born between Nov 5-20th. How do I go about celebrating this? I mean, its a pretty important day, but what in the world to I do to celebrate? I guess just mentioning it here is enough.
So, Robby just called. I guess he is torn between two jobs. He can either join some investing firm thing, or, he can get a job loading kegs into a semi at the Coors factory all night long. I said go with whatever makes you happy.
And on that note, ladies, gentlemen, I bid you to do tonight whatever makes you happy, as long as it doesnt interfere with anyone elses happiness. So long, and thanks for all the fish!

Thus Spake Zarathustra!

So, I thought it might be good if I started writing on one of these things, help me share my ideas, and vent my frustrations, etc.
Hmmm, where to start... well, here is where I am now. I have no job, I'm running out of money, I don't have time to work on my jeep, and I don't know what to do with my life. And believe it or not, I'm the happiest and most focused I have been in years. I want to be a teacher, in fact, I need to be a teacher. This much I know. How I'm gettting there is uncertain. I did find last night a college that awards degrees based on life experience. you say what degree you want and they interview you to see if you would qualify. Now, I know I don't qualify for a Masters in anything, except bad jokes, but I think I might be able to get an Associates in something, lol, plus for an extra 50 bucks, you can have on your diploma Magna Cumme Laude, to make it look more impressive. So, I could always do that, if I get desperate. Or if I want a whole bunch of degrees in different things. Idealy, I would like to move back to Iowa, and go to Dordt part time and have a job part time, but I dont know if they would take me back( Darn you Ron Rynders, DARN YOU!)
So, I have really big shoes. I like my shoes, they are those big black Sketchers. Ive had em for two years now, and they are starting to fall apart. I need to find another pair of them, casue they fit me like no other shoe has. And, as they say, when the shoe fits, wear it.
Wow, that was bad. Umm, I cant really think of anything more to say right now, though Im sure in about five minutes I come up with a whole bunch more boring stuff to talk about. So, Untill next time, Same Bat time, same Bat channel!